I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
