# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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