She announced her abortion via fbk
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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