I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
