I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
