Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
