if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
