I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
