If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
