i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
