i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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