Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
