If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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