it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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