Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
