As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
