Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
