Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
