Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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