I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
