Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
