bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
