theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
