I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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