apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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