There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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