I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize