when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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