Banned from zoo.
Again?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
