You're so nebulous sometimes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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