Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
