Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
