I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
