I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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