Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My vagina is very pro this idea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
