Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
