don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
