3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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