She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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