Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
