so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
