You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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