So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
