she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
