remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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