I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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