Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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