So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
