all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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