My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
