Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Never underestimate the power of titties
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
