Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
