Pappa wants mamma naked
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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