My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
