Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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