i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
