Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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