My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
