I feel like abortions should bother me more
ugly people sure do ruin things
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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