Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i think my cat just said my name.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
