whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
