Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
