Jerry, you need to find god
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Found your dick twin last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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