He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
