'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
