Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
