I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
