no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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