i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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