Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
