He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
