quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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