a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
