I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
