Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
